A Letter to my Pre-Parent Self - Clare Rimmer

To my pre-parent self,

I don’t want to panic you but…

Motherhood will turn you into an anxiety ridden worrier! I can remember vividly a dream I hadwhen I was heavily pregnant with my first daughter in which I was in a total state of panic. The babywas coming and I hadn’t finished reading, ‘What to Expect When You Are Expecting’. I wasn’t ready!I hadn’t read all the information yet. This pretty much summed up the first 6 months for me. I wasconstantly worrying that I wasn’t doing things the right way and couldn’t understand why the stepsin another well-known baby management book had not led to my child sleeping through the night. Iwas striving for perfection - something I have always done in my academic and work life butstruggling to mirror this when it came to caring for a mini human.

If I was doing it all again I would throw all those books out the window and go with the flow a bitmore. No one is ever the perfect parent and no one’s child is perfect either. Motherhood continuesto make me anxious today as my eldest child turns 14. The worries are slightly different. Will she fall prey to an online predator? Am I a rubbish parent as I lost the plot when she spilt nail varnish onthe carpet? Am I doing enough to help her with her school work? I’m really not sure the teenage years are any easier than the baby and toddler years! However, you will learn to accept that the worry is part of being a mother. If you didn’t worry about them you wouldn’t be human. Worryingis as natural a feeling as the love you feel for them.

If I could step back in time and give myself a good talking to I would say: This will be tough, you will doubt yourself every day but it will all be worth it. Embrace your friendships, especially the ones you have with other mums. Prepare to lose your cool. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t find yourself stamping your feet in frustration from time to time. Enjoy every minute of the years in which they think you are totally awesome! These memories will see you through your ‘uncool’ years.Your music tastes, your style, singing along to the radio and dancing – all of these will be judged by your teenager as highly embarrassing.

Finally if my pre-parent self is listening I would say - Parenting books can be useful but if the rules don’t work for you then throw them out and don’t sweat it! Life is too short to be worrying unnecessarily about things you can’t change. Enjoy the giggles, cuddles and smiles and tell anxiety it can wait for something more important.

Love Clare xx

Tagged with: advice for stressed mums, advice forum for mums, family life, mums mental health, pre parent self

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