I am sorry to tell you this but you’re about to change. In fact, 7 years from now you’ll be unrecognisable. I know at the moment you don’t think that is possible. But trust me when I say this change is for the better.
At the moment the biggest decision you have to make is what city you and Paul will visit for your next winter break or whether you should buy those new boots (you don’t even look at the price tag. But then again you don’t need to).
Responsibility scares you. It takes away your freedom. And boy, do you love to be free. And control, well that’s another issue. But Samara, life is not something you can control. Ever! You need to stop! Slow down. Appreciate every single second of your life. And be confident in the skin you are in, in your decisions and in your choices. You need to learn that life is for living.
You’ll soon come to realise that ‘perfect’ doesn’t actually exist. You’ll make your own version of perfect. And guess what? It won’t be perfect! To everyone else it’ll be perfect but to little old control freak you, it won’t be good enough and you’ll strive for more. And in your own bid for perfection, you’ll find misery and strength in equal measure.
Your journey into motherhood will be far from perfect. You’ll learn to live with the heartache of losing two babies to miscarriage. You’ll remember how taboo the subject was and how you had to ‘pick your audience’ carefully when you wanted to talk about your loss. And you’ll never forget how that made you feel but you will make peace with it and use your experience to support others.
You’ll see those two lines on the next pregnancy test and fear every day for 9 months, ‘just in case’. Then you will hold your baby and you will realise you have played a very small part in one of life’s miracles.
And speaking of miracles, you will be part of ‘four’ little miracles in your lifetime. Yet nothing will prepare you for the news that you are expecting identical twins. But you will soon come to realise it was part of your ‘plan’.
You’ll spend your life surrounded by boys. Don’t freak out! I know you have already imagined having daughters - 3 to be exact - but you will love your boys fiercely. You’ll play football (in heels), you’ll know every character from Star Wars and you’ll be adored like never before. Your boys will teach you valuable life lessons on a daily basis. And your home will be a happy one, filled with lots of laughter. You will see 4 little individuals and you will vow, from that moment when you held them for the first time, to bring out the best in every single one of them.
Paul will bring out the best in you. And the worst. He will drive you crazy but you will love him more and more with every year you spend together. You’ll watch him with your babies and you will be reminded how blessed you both are to have found each other.
Eventually you will learn to love your body. You’ll look at your body, post babies and you’ll know it isn’t perfect (hello, you aren’t 21 anymore!) but you’ll smile with pride (I promise) and reminisce about how this incredible body created and carried four babies.
Granted, there will be days when you feel overwhelmed. You’ll laugh hysterically when friends come to you for advice. They’ll tell you how amazing you are and how they admire you. But inside you will know that you are a swan; elegant on the surface but frantically paddling underneath.
Your friendship circles will change, dramatically. You’ll seek out positive, like minded people. Friendships will be invaluable to you as your little family, which will be affectionately known as Team Prentice, grows.
You will work harder than you ever have before. On your children, on your marriage, on yourself. You’ll survive on little sleep but you’ll feel more energised. You’ll have less independence but you’ll feel freer. You’ll find pleasure in the smallest of tasks and you’ll know love like never before.
Samara, motherhood will be the single most intense, overwhelming yet empowering thing you will ever experienced. But there is nothing to fear. Yes, there will be change but life won’t be turned on it’s head, as you’ve imagined. In fact, finally becoming a mum will make you feel contented. Soon you will realise that there is little else in this world that matters more than your own little family. The things that once seemed major will pale into insignificance. The holidays will still happen, the boots can still be bought but nothing will make you feel more complete than being a mummy to your boys.
Lots of love,
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